A Time to Learn

                As you may already know I am currently in seminary pursuing a Masters of Divinity at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California.  Seminary is a time for equipping for ministry; a time to learn.  When I came to Fuller I had a vague idea of the types of classes I needed to take in order to learn the things I don’t know.  Well, now that I am over 2 years into my studies (about 1.5 years to go!) I am beginning to realize that the things I didn’t know aren’t the things I thought I didn’t know. 

                

               This has been a season of learning, but most of my learning isn’t happening in the classroom.  Sure I know a few fun facts about the theology of Pelagius, and I can parse Hebrew verbs.  But those bits of knowledge will eventually escape through the revolving doors of short-term memory, if they haven’t already.    More importantly, I am experiencing spiritual, social, and emotional formation by means of many important relationships I am making with peers and mentors.  I am in an important season of learning things about myself which if I weren’t excavating and repairing during this time, they would ultimately hinder me from effective ministry in the future.

                

              Part of my healing and growing process has been happening by means of working in part-time ministry at Lake Avenue Church.  Sunday mornings I get to spend time with about 60 children in 2^nd and 3^rd grade where we sing songs with hand motions, learn basic Bible stories, make crafts, and share our faith journey together.  After walking through a season of doubt and burn-out, being immersed among small people with big faith has been immensely refreshing as I am reminded what it means to have faith like a child. 

                In about a month I will begin my nine month apprenticeship which is a required part of my degree.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to complete this learning in the Missions and Outreach department of Lake Avenue Church.  The church, and this department in particular, is full of amazing leaders who I am excited and honored to be mentored by.  The apprenticeship is meant to primarily be a learning experience and I hope to gain exposure to many different kinds of ministry.  I know I have a lot to learn, but I probably don’t know what I don’t know. I’m so grateful to get to learn from a church which has been effectively implementing global missions and local outreach for many years.

                Much of my internship will happen locally through outreach ministries in Pasadena, as well as ministries within Lake Avenue Church.  As my supervisor and I mapped out some goals, I threw in the pot the possibility of an international experience.  Well, not too long after that I committed to join a short-term team which will be traveling to Germany to provide refugee relief and discipleship for two weeks.  (My next blog will tell you more about this!)

                I am anticipating an exciting nine months ahead.  I am also anticipating a hectic schedule full of many ups and downs.  And so I need your prayers!   I am so grateful to have such a strong team of pray-ers already built up around me, sharing the journey with me.

What you can pray for:

-Peace, energy, hope and joy as I continue the rigorous schedule of balancing graduate school and ministry

-An open mind and heart as I learn and experience each day

-For physical wellness (I am first and foremost a full-time human… full time student and part time job can make this hard to prioritize)  

-For a roommate!  And closely tied with that, pray for financial provision.  My current roommate moves out on May 30^th, and I’ll start paying double rent June 1^st.  Especially pray for peace in the midst of the instability of these changes.

Please pray week by week:

June 5^th-11: Final Exams

June 12-19: VBS Preparation week

June 19-25: VBS + start apprenticeship

June 26-2: Apprenticeship +children’s ministry

July 3-9: Apprenticeship +children’s ministry

July 10-16: Encountering the City intensive class (outreach immersion into downtown Los Angeles)

July 20-Aug 3: Germany mission trip (refugee relief)

August –September: Apprenticeship + children’s ministry +paper writing

Sept 18-25: Quick trip to New York! (Would love to see you!)

Sept 26: Fall classes begin, continue apprenticeship

Thank you so much for continuing to share the journey with me!!

                

Holly: A Christmas Reflection

         On my ¼ mile commute to Lake Avenue Church I walk over a bridge which many homeless people call home.  Overpassing 10 lanes of traffic and 2 train lines, with elevator and stair access to the metro station below, the bridge is a busy place with a lot of opportunity for hand-outs as well as many corners to sleep in.  I’ve become accustomed to my early morning walks including the stench of urine coming from the elevator, passing by at least 8 sleeping people on my side of the street (many more visible on the other side), and sometimes dodging vomit and other nastiness on the sidewalk. 

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight.

                About 2 months ago I started seeing a woman on the corners of Corson and Lake on Sunday mornings.  The first few times I saw her I was very confused by her.  She held artistic signs proclaiming “GOD LOVES EVERYONE!” and “EVEN A SMILE HELPS!”  She was flamboyant in her mannerisms, smiling and waving at every car passing by.  At first I was offended and thought maybe she wasn’t homeless, but someone who chose this particular area to proselytize on Sunday mornings.   She was rather forward and I was uncomfortable walking by her.   

Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing…

                After a few weeks of seeing her on her corner regularly, I realized that she most likely was homeless and this corner was her home.  The first day I talked to her she was crying.  I asked her if she was ok and she told me “This sweet little angel, this little girl, just gave me this bag of candy and a note that says “God loves you” and it is just the nicest thing anyone has done for me!” 

He Comes to make his blessings flow, far as the curse is found...

                I stayed and talked with her for a few minutes and she shared bits of her story with me.  The first thing she shared with me, proudly, was that she had been sober for a few months and doing very well. She was (and since has always been) clearly sober, and not inebriated in any way.  She shared snippets of horror from her past: A boyfriend who pimped her out for money, gang violence which led to clearly broken and poorly healed fingers, temporary blindness due to an eye-drop bottle which was given to her actually being full of acid… yet all of this was shared not for pity, just to tell it like it is.  Her experience had clearly toughened her, and she proudly proclaimed “I don’t bruise!”  I asked her name, and she answered “Holly” and pulled up her sleeve to reveal a tattoo chain of holly leaf and berry around her bicep. 

Veiled in flesh the Godhead see…

                “Holly, what do you need?”  “I need to get inside.  I have money, I can afford some rent, but I need sober living so I can keep on track.”  I promised her I would look up sober living in the area and get back to her.  The next day I brought by a cup full of hot chili (to which she asked if it was gluten free J ) and a list of phone numbers for sober living in the county.  She was so grateful, and impressed that I came right back the next day.  “I hope this will help you be able to get off the streets, you need better than this.”  “Well, I do want to be inside… but this is where I’m supposed to be right now.  God wants me here.  I’m working for him here.  All of these people need me. Every day He shows me another person who needs a smile, or someone to encourage and each day I see Him doing good work by me being out here.”

Mild He lays His glory by

Born that we no more may die

Born to raise us from the earth

Born to give us second birth

                I see Holly regularly now, and each time I’m greeted with at least 2 hugs.  I’ve learned to try to give myself an extra 10 minutes to get to church so I can be sure to visit with her for a bit.  The more I get to know Holly, the more humbled I am by her story and faith.  Holly talks theology with me, often referencing C.S. Lewis, quoting scripture and one day she had Madeleine L’engles A Wrinkle In Time folded open on her stool.  She tells me about her day, which includes sweeping her corner, helping stop traffic when emergency vehicles need to get by, feeding stray cats, and waving at all of the vehicles.  She tells me who has been up to trouble lately, pointing out the man on the next corner as someone who isn’t homeless yet stands there “lying to all the cars that he needs money.”  She knows everything that’s going on, and acts a bit like the military mom of the streets, keeping people in line and calling the police when necessary.  She makes lots of friends, like me, who pass her on their commute. (One day, there were three of us visiting with Holly!) People bring her food to eat, which she distributes to her neighbors who are more hungry than she is.  She makes me laugh with jokes about how the new Volkswagens are made with windows that “don’t roll down” (to give out money) and encourages me with my new job in Children’s ministry saying “With someone like you, I see hope for the Church!”  

Born thy people to deliver,

born a child and yet a King,

born to reign in us forever,

now thy gracious kingdom bring.

                After my first few times of visiting Holly I started to realize that she is one of the best examples of Jesus I have met in a long time.  Incarnation: Christ’s sacrifice of giving up the glory of heaven to enter into the pain of humanity, as one of us, in order to bring redemption and salvation to our brokenness.  Choosing a manger in a stable and a cross on a hill instead of his throne in heaven.  Humble obedience knew that true JOY would come from serving His father and his people instead of serving himself.   As Holly’s prospects for moving “inside” progress, she tells me firmly that “even if I get inside, I will still be here every day.  This is where God wants me.  This is where I need to be.”

Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

 rather, he made himself nothing

    by taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

                We’re all called to do the same.  Through the Joy we find in Christ we are told to set aside our own needs for the needs of others. Holly’s humble and steadfast obedience to “do Gods work” on the corner of Corson and Lake has exemplified compassion, love, grace, and JOY to so many who encounter her each day.  By choosing to give up the opportunity for a better life, one which doesn’t involve sleeping in a tent or being harassed and looked down upon regularly, Holly is embodying the love of Christ in the best ways she knows how.   She’s not perfect, she'll be the first one to tell you that, but she’s living out her convictions with sincere integrity. 

…Good news of great joy that will be for all the people…

                Christmas is about Joy.  It’s about love.  It’s about a lot of feel-good things.  But along with these cheery things, it is about a King who chose to enter into the pain of those who were most unworthy of his grace.  Incarnation, or a ministry of presence, is about lingering with people in their pain.  I’ve been inspired by Holly to linger.  All of the theology classes in the world couldn’t teach me what she knows about grace.  This Christmas, as I’m surrounded by decorations of holly leaves, I’m reminded of a friend who lives outside whose life points to Someone who once lived outside … and I’m humbled, and drawn to deeper worship, deeper compassion, and deeper JOY.

O Come let us adore Him!

Bridge Building Part 3

The time was just too short, and the country too big, to get to see all of the people I would have loved to reconnect with.  But I'm so thankful for the time spent with those we did see! 

Reconnecting with this family was wonderful! Mr and Mrs Munsanje are doing well in their ministry, and welcomed baby Abraham jr a little over a year ago.  

Sweet Melody has grown so much.  She remembered her auntie right away and wouldnt stop hugging me!  She is not only walking, but running freely and getting into all the trouble that 4 year olds should :)

We enjoyed many meals like this with friends, sharing food and fellowship.  

Sweet Mercy wasnt feeling well, so she had a little nap on mom's lap.  

These graduates all work near each other in Siachetema and encourage each other as neighbors.  

We were able to spend one night at the Zimba guest house.  Just long enough for a brief visit with Dr Joan and the mission house staff in the midst of their regular responsibilities.  Jock was beside himself to have mommy back!

Mr and Mrs Tilimboyi are in the midst of plans and applications to begin further theological studies in Kenya! 

We were so thankful to Amy Thompson for hosting us!  She is working so hard for Children's Nest orphanage, it was a blessing to get to see her and hear more about her work.  

Bridge Building Part 2

The timing of this return was important in that the students graduating would be the last class which I had taught previously.  Since it was so close to their graduation, they were very busy coming and going with preparations for the big day.  It was so wonderful to see how much they have learned and grown in the last two years!  Thank you for your continued prayers as they have since begun their ministry.  

Mr Munsanje has been serving as the student Chairman this year, and his leadership abilities and constant laughter have kept things running smoothly.  On her own initiative and in the midst of her responsibilities as a student, wife and mom, Mrs Munsanje built her own brick oven in which she daily baked rolls as a source of income.  They were delicious!

Mr and Mrs Muchindu have grown so much in their English abilities in the last three years.  I am so proud to see them crossing the finish line! 

Mrs Makandauko was pregnant with little Ebeneezer when I left so it was really fun to get to meet him!  These two are going to thrive in ministry together.  

Mr and Mrs Handemu are full of dreams and visions for ministry, and even missions abroad outside of Zambia. And yes, that is "my baby" baby David :) 

We are so proud of Mrs Munsaka for switching from the student wive's program, to beginning the pastor's program for herself!  She is a strong, diligent woman.  Mr Munsaka will begin his ministry while she continues in her studies the next two years.   

Seeing this family without their father breaks my heart.  But, as you can see, they are soldiering on with courage.  Mrs Mwaanga returned to campus to finish her studies and receive her certificate.  She has a challenging road ahead of her, but she remains strong in her faith.


Somehow the single students escaped photos- but Brian, George, Thomas, and Luka are finishing strong!


Unfortunately, we did not know the date of graduation when we purchased our plane tickets, so we left the country just 4 days before.  We were grateful, however, that they were able to change the schedule a bit so we could share the graduation dinner and celebrate together! 

Bridge Building Part 1

Perhaps the most important part of our trip back to Zambia was for the purpose of maintaining relationships with so many loved ones.  Two years with very limited contact makes it difficult to feel connected.  Although I know my heart still beats for Zambia and her people, I also knew that the lack of communication made it hard for my Zambian friends to believe that.  Three weeks was too short to do any real effective ministry, but the bridge building and maintenance simply from this brief time of reconnecting was reassuring to many that I hadn't forgotten them.  

A few of the reactions to my return were "It is like a dream!" and "we thought you would never come back!"  and "I am so thankful that Zambia is still a part of you."

It was so bittersweet to reunite with Finebeck. Baby Karen looks so much like her mom, and all of our hearts were aching and missing her deeply.  

She is well cared for by her grandmother and other relatives! We were so thankful to meet her and to see her growing healthy and strong.  Thank you to everyone for your support, love and prayers which have carried her and her family through this last year. 

Since the last time I saw him, Pastor Agriwell has been highly successful in ministry.  His church is growing in faith and numbers.  He married shortly after graduation, and is now expecting his first child!

We were so thankful to be able to share a meal with the Jani's and Habbabas.  Rev. Jani retired from his post as principal this last year, so Rev. Habbaba has been serving as "acting principal" while the national church appoints new lecturers. This transition has created a lot of growing pains, but we are confident that these leaders will do a great job.  Rev. and Mrs Habbaba were extremely busy during our visit, so this meal shared together was a cherished time to reconnect!



Sharing tea, biscuits, and stories with the local church leadership was a blessing.  These men are working so hard, making daily sacrifices in serving the Lord and the Jembo community.  Rev Moono is the district superintendent, Rev. Ntambo is the local church pastor, and Born oversees the local development projects.  

Even our furry friends were glad to know we hadn't forgotten them :) 

Bittersweet.

“How was your trip?!”

Returning to Zambia was so good.  I am so glad I went. These three weeks truly fostered a lot of healing and growth which wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t chosen to embrace the paradox again.

Returning to Zambia was so hard.  Good, but hard.  Unpalatably bitter and addictively sweet; mingling together deep in the emotive gut, satisfying a long ignored heart-ache yet pricking at only freshly healed wounds. 

Bittersweet. 

Sights, smells, and sounds have a powerful way of triggering memories.  I spent three weeks re-living memories. Some of these are really ugly memories, unjustly punching me again with hurt. Some are joy-filled memories lingering in the air, whispering of good times past.  Both were hard to replay, yet each were redeemed by new memories and new scenes. 

It was amazing how quickly and comfortably I immersed back into the culture.  Accent turned on, forgotten Tonga words from somewhere in the recesses of my memory responded quickly to familiar phrases.  The Zambian part of me eagerly pushed aside the American, proving that she still exists and that she still thrives in, and loves this home.  

Yet the American part of me continued to surface, quickly irritable with the daily-life stresses which she has never enjoyed.  Dirty air, dirty hands, dirty body, dirty children who pee-on-your-lap-moments before you get up to preach.  The American part of me doesn’t like being dirty.  She also doesn’t like the stress of boiling water, precious drinking water which just might run out.  Survival mode switched on, anticipating dwindling food stores.  Electricity out for hours, fridge gets warm, food goes bad, jobs left unfinished.  Warm bucket baths which never really get you clean in a less-than-clean bathroom. The ever changing schedule which leaves the day an unpredictable waiting game; waiting for promised visits, waiting for promised electricity, and waiting for more waiting. 

The broken part of me, still burnt out from “Zambia past,” lies in that same bed in that same room under that same mosquito net. Sick.  This is an all too familiar feeling. Angry, hot tears that my body is slowing me down again from doing what I came here for.  Fear. Trapped in the bush, out of reach from “real” doctors, sick with multiple symptoms, exhausted in body and mind, prickling skin, achy all over and the thermometer reads 100.1F  Malaria?  Probably not.  But there is no risk taking.  No waiting for it to get worse. A finger prick and 5 minutes later the negative rapid-test rapidly calms my nerves. An hour of sleep, fever broken soaked in sweat, and I am once again ready to embrace “Zambia present.” 

The Zambian part of me loves laughing; laughter in the midst of poverty, joy in the mist of pain.  My heart beats to Zambian rhythms in a way it never has to jazz, rap, or rock, and it skips a beat to be reawakened in rejoining the song.  Dancing with friends, new and old, laughing together to groove without shame and move together in spirit. Sharing meals, sharing pain, sharing hope.  Sweet laughter overwhelms bitter reality and cements my heart once again in love for Zambia and her courageous, vibrant people. 

And in the midst of the bittersweet, both the American and the Zambian in me, are renewed and restored to once again thrive in a place which my heart, gifts, and abilities were built for.  Teaching students who enjoy learning, challenging minds which have not been stretched, and being a small part of a rapidly growing Kingdom and Church that is built upon a sincere faith in the One True King.  This is where my heart sings and spirit soars, loving being home, and regaining confidence in the possibility of “Zambia future.” 

How Great...

Three weeks of a whirlwind, and mom and I are home… in my New York home that is.  A million thoughts to process, and a thousand photos to edit, many blogs to come with stories of joy and heartache… yet this morning in church I was struck and moved to write this first blog post as one of praise.

About 6 times while at PWBC we sang “How Great Thou Art” in morning devotions, or chapel, or church, or some other service… it has always been a regular.  The first time we sang it my heart and soul broke open… Oh How Great He is indeed.  To have brought me back home, to my Zambian home… so much joy in reunions, reminders, and re-living.  How Great…

For the last two years my heart has often resonated with the Psalmist… “why are you downcast, oh my soul… why so disturbed within me?”  Yet for these three weeks, “…then sings my soul…!”  And oh how quickly my heart burst to be reunited with the Tonga verses, “Ndakwiimbila, Leza Mufutuli, Uli Mulemu, Uli Mulemu!”

This morning in Canandaigua New York, in the comfortable cushioned pews of our 120(+/-) year old sanctuary with 100+ft peaked, artistically painted ceilings above, surrounded by intricate stained glass, and clean carpet below our feet… we started our worship service with How Great Thou Art.  Dressed in our summer casual, each person holding hymnals that are clean and complete, our harmonies are drowned out by the sparkling brand new world-class million dollar pipe organ and our hearts agree together… How Great…

Somewhere in a rural village in Zambia, believers gathered today squished together on wooden benches in a building about 80 years old surrounded by 4 cement walls covered in peeling paint, below crumbling wooden ceiling boards which create a thin barrier between the congregated people and the congregated bats, standing on cement floor carefully swept of dirt and bat droppings by the church ladies the night before.  Dressed in Sunday best, the children roam the aisle proud of their oversized princess dresses, braided hair, shiny shoes and clip-on ties.  A few elders hold precious, treasured hymnals, red-brown as the dirt and pages as frail as the hands that hold them.  Most sing by memory, accompanied by nothing but the harmonies which only Africans can muster, echoing loudly off of an acoustically unsound metal ceiling and cement walls, these believers agree together… Uli Mulemu…

And somewhere in between it all my heart catches a glimpse, a very tiny one, of just How Great He is… to love a world so big, so diverse, so broken… to stretch so far and wide with the same love, compassion, grace and mercy for each and every person… that we can all agree together, though separated by many miles… Moyo wangu… then sings my soul… How Great Thou Art!