Smiles :)

Since returning home from Zambia there have been many faces, smiles, and laughter that are lingering in my memory.  These memories often cause a faint smile to cross my face, sometimes evoking the gut-wrenching longing that only comes when you are missing someone who has grabbed hold of your heart.  The knowledge that I will see these friends again soon has made it much easier to embrace these memories, and to look forward to many more smiles to come.  I thought I'd share some of these smiles with you today... :)


Westone, Canseh, Gary, and Mr Hamaliya- students and friends



Westone and Steven

My brother Timothy, celebrating his highschool graduation :)

Pezo, one of my students and also my good friend :)

Jetti :)

Mr Sitali and Mr Musanje

All the PWBC students and staff :)

Cindy and Mike :)

And many, many more :)

Forced Leisure

Being sick is no fun.   Sure, we’ve all had our days where life just gets so overwhelming that we wish we could have a sick day or two simply so we can skirt our responsibilities, goof off, and sleep away the day.  But when we’re actually lying there with our body aching and head groggy all we wish for is to feel better. 

The last few months have been sick day after sick day for me.  No energy to do much more than lie around watching extremely enriching television shows and movies (because tv couldn’t possibly be anything but enriching) and sleep.  Lots and lots of sleep.  My dream life tends to be far more exciting than my awake life as I regularly find myself back in Zambia on grand adventures only to wake up and be back home with my head feeling like it is going to explode.

Every once in a while I’ll have a day or two where I’m feeling pretty good and have a glimmer of hope which allows me to day dream about returning to Zambia soon, but most days I can’t allow myself to have that hope or to miss my friends and life there because it just gets depressing. 

Trying to pray through the confusion of the big question of “WHY?!” has this mission in Zambia been put on ‘hold’, especially after God has been so faithful over the last year and a half in preparing me for this journey.  Why. Why. Why. Haven’t I already learned the lesson of ‘trust’? I’ve trusted You to take me halfway around the world, now I have to learn to trust that somehow in the midst of this miserable illness that You’re gonna work out something good?  Please, please hurry and make this part of the story go faster.  I’m tired of being sick, tired of being tired, and tired of not doing anything with my life. Please hurry up so I can get on with living. 

The following devotional was given to me by my mom and spoke directly to my heart due to my current situation and past musical experience.  Hopefully it will speak to you too.

“There is no music during a musical rest, but the rest is part of the making of the music.  In the melody of our life, the music is separated here and there by rests. During those rests, we foolishly believe we have come to the end of the song. God sends us times of forced leisure by allowing sickness, disappointed plans, and frustrated efforts. He brings a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives, and we lament that our voices must be silent. We grieve that our part is missing in the music that continually rises to the ear of our Creator. Yet how does a musician read the rest? He counts the break with unwavering precision and plays his next note with confidence, as if no pause were ever there.

God dos not write the music of our lives without a plan. Our part is to learn the tune and not be discouraged during the rests. They are not to be slurred over or omitted, nor used to destroy the melody or to change the key. If we will only look up, God Himself will count the time for us.  With our eyes on Him, our next note will be full and clear. If we sorrowfully say to ourselves, “There is no music in a rest,” let us not forget that the rest is part of the making of the music.  The process is often slow and painful in this life, yet how patiently God works to teach us! And how long He waits for us to learn the lesson!- John Ruskin”

The point of this passage speaks for itself very clearly. I know many people right now who are in a time of “forced leisure” similar to mine who need to hear this encouraging message just as much as me.  

In my years of instrumental musicianship I had to learn the hard lesson of counting the rests.  My private lesson teacher could ALWAYS tell when I had been practicing a piece of music at home without counting the rests.  You just can’t get away with rushing the rests. The rhythm gets off and then the story of the composition is changed.  Some of my favorite flute solos to perform were without piano accompaniment.  The most beautiful part of those songs was not the musical phrases, but the silence in between the phrases where the previous melody bounces off the rafters and deep into the heart of the audience whose breathing stops in anticipation for the next musical lyric to continue the melodious story.  The composer has perfectly orchestrated these rests to tell the story the way his or her heart has been inspired to. 

We’ve all been in the audience of an orchestral concert where the piece of music has a trick ending of a long silence followed by a surprise repeat of the melody or a quiet resolution.  And then there is that awkward moment where the non-musicians in the audience start clapping when the piece is obviously not over.  How do we know the piece isn’t over yet? Because the conductor is still conducting.  His baton is at attention and all eyes of the orchestra are awaiting his instruction to join in at just the right moment to finish the piece. 

Keep your eyes on the Conductor.  This song is not over.  He wrote the song. He wrote the rests. And the rest is beautiful. Don’t rush it. It is there for a reason and it truly is beautiful.

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands.” Psalm 138:8

Wildlife!

One of the first questions people, especially young people, tend to ask is "what kind of animals do you see?!"   and then they tell me, "Don't get eaten by a lion!!"

Where I live in Jembo its a pretty far distance from any major water source, meaning that large animals don't live near me.  However, we do have some fun wild animals we share the land with.  (Including guinea fowl which I haven't captured on camera)  And when we go to Victorial Falls (an excellent water source :) ) we get to see some bigger creatures.

These lizards live all over campus, and little babies even make their way in the house.
Dusty has a great time playing with them too :)

A not so wild monkey at a hotel near Victoria Falls

Hippos in the Zambezi !!

There are a lot of beautiful birds in Zambia, these ones are regulars :)

Gilbert :)

This is Titus the Tortois.  He lives under my front step and comes out for regular walks after the rain. 

Hiding :)

This is a deceased Spotted Genet we found in the Helvie's garden.  Wild cats are around! Thankfully they're little :)

Baboons at Victoria Falls

aww :)

Near Victoria Falls we came across this herd of about 60(!) elephants crossing the street!  

An unforgettable experience! 

Insects Everywhere!!

Bugs.  One of the main things I DONT miss about Zambia.  Rainy season arrived in full force about mid-November, and along with it the earth erupted with insects.  (Quite literally when it came to termites) 

Big bugs. Little bugs. Biting bugs. Stinging bugs. Bugs that carry deadly diseases. Bugs that are creepy. Bugs that are crawly. Bugs with far too many legs to count.  Bugs that go SPLAT when you squish them.  Bugs that swarm your lights at night. Bugs that make you itch.  Bugs that make you twitch.  Bugs. Everywhere.

I had more than one reason to stay hidden under my mosquito net at night.  Anytime you feel like something is crawling on you, chances are good there IS! (I had a spaz attack while I was home because I thought a bug was on me... my parents thought I was crazy.)

One day I had a black wasp, 2 inches in length, bite me and sting me at the same time in the same place.  At first I was just annoyed. Then the venom started sinking in and I began to cry like a small child. My whole hand swelled up and my veins started turning red.  Topical pain killers and benadryl only started to help after about 4 hours.  Unbelievably painful experience!

Anyway. Theres a lot of bugs where I live.  I've captured some of them for you on camera.  Enjoy!

This is what we like to call a "flat wall spider". We let them live in our house because they 1-eat bugs 2-don't make webs and 3-only spend their time on the walls. This one is a particularly large one of my 15-20 friends.  

I found him dying, but thought he was pretty awesome anyway.  

Spraying pesticides after my first bout with "malaria"

No words neccessary

The results of my wasp bite/sting.  OUCH!

I will call you fluffy and you will be my fluffy. 

Every morning I wake up to a carpet of termite remains on my front porch.  

He's just too juicy to squish... so I trapped him instead.  

Close-up of termite remains

Pretty sure this is a locust

REAL JOY GUARANTEED!

                Returning to the States after being in the 3^rd world always involves some culture shock.  My very sudden decision to return home meant some major cultural whip-lash.  I quickly went from termite-eating season to the American Christmas season. 

                Zambians celebrate Christmas too, of course.  Christmas day generally involves a family/village community joining together for special long church services worshiping the newborn King.  This will follow with a big feast of nshima and meat if it is available.  I was looking forward to sharing in these traditions and celebrations with some of my Zambian friends, but knew it wouldn’t feel at all like Christmas.

                American Christmas is filled with cultural tradition.  It’s just not Christmas if there’s not an obscenely decorated pine-tree in your living room, ham on the dinner table, and decorated gifts overflowing from every nook and cranny.

I tried explaining what a Christmas tree was to my Zambian friends… I think their reaction to this tradition was pretty similar to my reaction to them telling me about catching, frying, and eating termites.  Why on earth anyone would put a tree inside their house and put lights and other decoration on it is beyond their imagination.

Though I’m glad that I get to do my fair share of Christmas-tree decorating, gift-giving and receiving, and cookie-decorating we need to humbly admit that most of these traditions have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. 

One of the biggest cultural whip-lash moments I had upon returning home happened in Sears.  This is what I saw: 

"Real joy guaranteed"

I had to laugh out loud.  REAL JOY GUARANTEED!?  That just sums up the empty promises of our American Consumerist Christmas traditions doesn’t it?  Buy all this STUFF and give all this STUFF and you’ll find REAL JOY.  I decided that if I buy a washing machine, and bring it back declaring that I didn’t get my guaranteed REAL JOY that it is my American right to demand and receive my money back. And of course keep the washing machine. 

I don’t want to be that person laying on guilt about “Jesus is the reason for the season.”  Sure it’s true, but how many of us can actually claim to not indulge in some of these American traditions?  In my mind, it’s not really anything to be ashamed of.  It is our culture.  It only becomes a problem when we start believing the lie that these American traditions are what deliver “REAL JOY.”

This Christmas I hope you thoroughly indulge in American Christmas traditions.  Spend way too much money on gifts for everyone you love.  Make lots of Christmas cookies and eat lots of them too.  Watch all the good Christmas movie classics and all the terrible new ones.  Sing songs about Santa and his reindeer, and leave cookies, milk and carrots out for them on Christmas Eve.  Deck the halls till you can’t recognize that they’re halls anymore.  Go all out.  But please, don’t get your expectations up.  Yes, I guarantee you’re going to have a lot of fun (and so am I!).  I guarantee that you’re going to make memories and enjoy being with your family.  I guarantee you’re going to eat too much, spend too much, and get too much.  But I also guarantee that these cultural traditions will not give you REAL JOY.

How do I know this?  Well my Zambian friends don’t have any of these things.  They don’t have gifts to give or trees to decorate or cookies to eat let alone ovens to bake cookies in.  But they’re still going to experience REAL JOY on Christmas through worshipping our Savior. 

Christmas is on Sunday this year.  Meaning we get twice the opportunity (Christmas Eve and Christmas day) to worship and celebrate the birth of our savior, our Lord. The One who came to give us life, and life to the full.  I hope you take the opportunity to worship him with your church community. Twice. (At the very least, go to support your pastor who is preaching at least two times within 12 hours on Christmas!)  I hope in the midst of enjoying and indulging in American traditions, you turn your heart towards the One who blessed you with it all.  I hope this year you give the Lord the opportunity to grab your heart with the truth and mystery of how the creator of heaven and earth came to live amongst his creation in order to bring us forgiveness, freedom, and life.   REAL JOY GUARANTEED.  J

This is the awesome Christmas tree I made in my apartment before leaving.  Yes, that is a lamp. :)

Medical Update

Well I've been home for one week, but it feels like about a month has gone by.  I was worried about how it might feel to be home, but mostly it all feels perfectly normal.  Zambia sometimes feels like it was in the distant past, and I'm regularly looking at photos to remind myself of names and memories of my friends there. 

The last week has been a crazy week.  My first night home began with a trip to the Emergency Department due to waking up with a violently upset stomach.  The bad side of this was of course being violently sick, but the good side was it put a jump start to the process of many lab tests. This was Sunday AM. 

Tuesday AM I got in to see my General Physician, for the sole purpose of him saying "yes you're sick, go see an Infectious Disease Specialist."  Duh, we knew this, yet the system requires his referral. 

Thankfully, we got an appointment Wednesday with an Infectious Disease specialist at Strong.  Though a very nice man, I felt like I knew more about malaria than he did.  Thankfully, he didnt charge us for the appointment and  he also made a phone call to Dr Shelly, the other Infectious Disease specialist in town.

Due to a cancelation by the Lord's grace, we were able to get an appointment with Dr Shelly on Friday morning. (They couldnt get us in for over two weeks).  In his office yesterday, my mom and I felt like we were finally with someone who knows what he's talking about.  So that's the good news.

The less good news, though not necessarily bad news, is that my blood work shows absolutely no signs that I've ever had malaria.  Though the doctor isnt completely ruling out malaria, he's not focusing on it.  Meaning a lot more blood work is in process right now, trying to come up with an answer. 

Why did I test 'positive' 3 times in Zambia?  Well, since malaria is so prevalent there, doctors/lab technicians tend to blanket diagnose people based on their symptoms.  If someone is sick, they need medicine.  If it seems like malaria, give them the medicine.  Since we dont have resources to do further testing to find out what is actually causing their symptoms, treat them for malaria.  The medical system deserves a blog post all to itself, and yes that will someday come.  The mystery is that I did in fact have blood smears done which the lab technicians diagnosed with malaria.  Because of the weakness of the medical system and possible faulty testing techniques, as well as my current blood work, the doctor and I are now questioning these diagnoses. 

Besides these doctors appointments, I've been sleeping for about 10-14 hours at night, and then 2-6 hours during the day.  My head feels like its going to explode.  Thankfully today, Saturday, I've managed to stay awake all day long and my head feels a teensy bit better. 

The good news about this is these test results make us suspicious of any positive malaria tests which Cindy and Mike have been diagnosed with, and they will be heading to South Africa this coming week for tests.   Also, people have been sick in Jembo recently with similar symptoms but not testing positive for malaria.  Meaning, something is up.  Perhaps me having to come home for testing will help solve the mystery. 

Thank you everyone for your prayers.  I know so many of you are very concerned and praying for me.  It means so much to know that you're beside me in prayer.  Now the prayers need to be directed in a bit of a different direction- for wisdom, guidance, and answers.  And of course, for healing. 

In the meantime, the doctor's orders included that my mother pamper me. I'm taking full advantage of that order :)  Really though, I'm so so very thankful that I'm home feeling this miserable with my wonderful parents taking care of me and that I'm finally in the hands of a good medical professional.  I'm missing Zambia every day, however, and sad for the plans I had to cancel this month.

I know that the Lord has good things in store during this trial (He promises us good! :) ).  Some of that good will surely include seeing some of you :)  However, with the way I'm feeling, I appreciate your patience in waiting till I'm significantly recovered...which the timing is of course very uncertain... I really dont think you want to watch me sleep anyway :)

Very gratefully Dr Shelly is keeping a close watch on me, and I have another appointment with him on Tuesday to go over the most recent lab results taken yesterday and discuss further testing.  So I'll keep you updated as things progress and as my energy allows.  Thanks for praying! God has answered so many prayers throughout this last week, I know he will continue to do so.

Prince Gilbert

Prince Gilbert is a frog.  When I arrived in Zambia, he was living in my bathroom.  After a few weeks of having this regular guest in my shower, I decided he needed a name.  Anne of Green Gables was the most recent love story I had been watching and therefore Gilbert Blithe the most recent 'prince' character in my life.  Therefore, Prince Gilbert the Frog.  He's disappeared recently, I suspect the rainy season and large quantity of insects have drawn him out into the real world.  But for a few months, he provided a great photography subject... as well as someone to talk to :)  This blog post is in his honor.